The Magic of Appreciation First
Tired of hitting walls when asking for what you want? Learn how leading with appreciation can transform your relationships and success rate – backed by psychology research. You know that person who seems to effortlessly get what they want? Turns out their secret isn’t magic – it’s method. Recent research in positive psychology reveals something fascinating: people who lead with appreciation are significantly more likely to succeed in their requests than those who dive straight into demands or complaints.
The Science Behind Saying Thanks First
Dr. Sara Algoe’s research at the University of North Carolina has shown that expressing appreciation before making requests triggers what psychologists call the “find-bind-remind” effect. This mechanism strengthens social bonds and increases the likelihood of positive responses. Her studies found that people were up to 50% more likely to respond favorably to requests when they followed expressions of genuine appreciation.
Rewiring Your Approach
Here’s what’s really interesting about leading with appreciation: it actually changes both sides of the conversation. When you start by acknowledging what’s working, your brain shifts from a problem-focused state to a solution-oriented mindset. Harvard neuroscientist Alex Korb found that expressing gratitude increases dopamine and serotonin production – the same brain chemicals that help us think more clearly and creatively.
Real-World Magic
Consider this real-life example: A woman at a supermarket lost a bag of groceries due to a mix-up. Instead of launching into a complaint, she began by thanking the store for having a customer service desk in the first place. The result? Not only did she get offered replacement groceries, but she also received a personal call from the store owner. The power move here wasn’t the complaint – it was leading with appreciation.
The Ripple Effect
This approach works everywhere – from boardrooms to bedrooms. Research by the Gottman Institute shows that relationships with a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions are significantly more successful. When you start with acknowledgment, you’re literally building emotional capital that you can draw on later.
Beyond Please and Thank You
But here’s the key – this isn’t about manipulation or fake politeness. Dr. Robert Cialdini’s research on influence shows that authenticity is crucial. People can spot inauthentic praise a mile away. The real power comes from genuinely noticing and appreciating what’s working before addressing what isn’t.
Your Brain on Appreciation
Neuroscience backs this up too. Dr. Richard Davidson’s research at the University of Wisconsin-Madison shows that practicing appreciation actually changes your brain’s structure over time, making you better at recognizing opportunities and solutions rather than fixating on problems.
Making It Work For You
The beauty of this approach lies in its simplicity. Start small: before making any request, pause and find something genuine to appreciate. It could be as simple as “I really value how quickly you always respond to emails” before asking for a deadline extension, or “I love how organized you keep the kitchen” before suggesting a new cleaning schedule.
Creating Lasting Change
Remember, this isn’t about scoring quick wins – it’s about reshaping how you interact with the world. Research shows it takes about 66 days to form a new habit, so give yourself time to practice this new approach. The real power of leading with appreciation isn’t just in getting what you want – it’s in creating stronger relationships and more positive environments along the way. As psychologist Barbara Fredrickson’s research shows, positive interactions create upward spirals that benefit everyone involved.
Pro Tips for Practice
Start with self-appreciation – research shows it makes external appreciation more authentic. Keep an appreciation journal to train your brain to spot the positive. Practice the pause: before making any request, take a breath and find something to genuinely acknowledge. Notice the ripple effects of your new approach – they often extend far beyond the immediate interaction. You see, the goal isn’t perfection – it’s progress. Every time you lead with appreciation, you’re not just increasing your chances of success; you’re building a more positive world for everyone around you.
IF IT’S SOMETHING YOU DO WANT – talk about it, write freely about it, think endlessly of it, tell others all about it. IF IT’S SOMETHING YOU DON’T WANT – don’t utter a single word!
So, who there is in your life you’d like to acknowledge today. Start with yourself. Get comfortable telling yourself how great you are. Get accustomed to appreciating how far you’ve come. The more confident you are in your own self worth, the more you are able to share it with others – and hey maybe you could write a list of things you appreciate about yourself and share them with us here. Let’s start a new trend!
